Action Man: Mission eXtreme

ACTION MAN: MISSION EXTREME
===========================

Credit: Tyrant T100

On the 28th of June 2000, a team of police investigators were called to collect evidence surround the apparent suicide of a seven-year-old boy. The boy had been found with a Playstation controller wire wrapped tightly around his neck; he had died from strangulation. He was being watched by his mother, who had left to go to the bathroom. When she returned, she found him dead in front of the television.Initial investigation had revealed little of interest. Nobody had gained access to the house by force, and the mother was not a suspect. With suicide suspected, the police tried to work out a motive, but there wasn't anything obvious for a normal and happy seven-year-old.

With nothing else to turn to, they decided to take the game out of the Playstation and examine it. The game was called Action Man: Mission xEtreme and rated 3+, so they doubted the boy would have been traumatised by anything horrific he had seen. But as it was the only lead, the decided to investigate.

The front cover of the game showed Action Man scowling and standing with his arms folded, behind him was a fiery explosion with a sick-looking figure and a bandaged figure running to escape it. To Action Man's left was the grinning face of Dr. X, the villain from the series. Several anomalies were apparent on this version of the box than that of other copies sold on the high street. Firstly, the title was different; normally it was called either "Operation Extreme" or "Mission Xtreme," but never "Mission eXtreme." Minor differences could be seen on the characters' faces. The two figures in the background looked frightened on this version where normally they were scowling. The detectives thought that this must have been a misprint and carried on.

The game started up with Action Man performing several martial arts moves while his car speeded along back alleys and streets. The game began, and Action Man had to save the city from criminals who were stealing components. Action Man's instructions were issued by a female computer voice. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, and the next level was reached. Action Man had to infiltrate a desert base that was being used to manufacture chemical weapons. The other detectives who were watching lost interest and decided to call it a night. However, the investigator playing said he'd carry on and let them know if he found anything unusual.

He began to notice several small things about the game that seemed odd. The enemies of the base didn't have any lethal weapons, and sometimes they would run away from Action Man. However, to complete the missions, you had to eliminate them by shooting them or beating them to death. The game, however, told the detective in an end of mission status report that the enemies had been "captured." The detective presumed this was so the game could get a 3+ rating and wouldn't upset any children.

The detective destroyed the base and moved on to the following missions. Nothing seemed out of the normal except the enemies continued to run from Action Man rather than fight him. Then the detective reached a cutscene where Action Man was captured by his enemies and put in a prison cell. This was particularly disturbing for a children's game as Action Man was brutally beaten and tortured by his captors. When Action Man came to, he had to avoid the cameras on the boat he was captive on and escape from the hold. The game camera became fuzzy, and the picture began to flicker. The enemies sometimes held up their hands, but Action Man shot them regardless. When the screen returned to normal, the enemies were dressed in combat gear.

As the detective completed the mission, he sank the boat and captured the leader of the soldiers on the boat. The next mission began with Action Man in the Arctic destroying enemy boats. All was normal until a transmission came through his radio from his enemies; all the transmission were either white noise or screaming sounds. Action Man's computer turned on and told him in a cold tone to eliminate all resistance. The level continued as normal until the boss fight where Action Man destroyed an enemy submarine. The crew's corpses could be seen sinking to the bottom of the lake and Action Man began laughing.

The detective began to get increasingly worried about the game and rechecked the box. It definitely said 3+. The loading screen popped up and the enemies captured counter had increased, despite the fact that the investigator had seen them die on screen.

The final mission came up which was entitled "Ice Base." The mission began with Action Man using a longbow to eliminate the guards, who were all unarmed. The game moved on into several corridors that Action Man had to clear. None of the enemies here even tried to attack Action Man, they all screamed and cowered in the corner, but the level would not progress until they were captured. As the detective reluctantly shot them, police investigation photos of homicides flashed onto the screen. The detective got up and ejected the disc. It was printed like all other Playstation games and looked completely normal. He reinserted it and blamed his tiredness for the visions he saw.

After Action Man had shot the rest of the enemies, he finally reached the final boss: Dr. X. The boss battle was incredibly simple. Dr. X wore a robot suit and attempted to subdue Action Man. The player had to simply run backwards while shooting at the doctor. When the doctor collapsed, Action Man had to run up close and beat the suit. Then the doctor would get back up and the steps would have to be repeated. After the battle was over, the end game cutscene played.

The cutscene began with the Arctic base exploding into flames. The camera then switched to a crowded city. Civilians ran around aimlessly choking to death, photographs of people who had died from chemical weapons flashed on the screen. Action Man was then seen leading Dr. X away towards a prison cell. He locked Dr. X inside and walked away. Dr, X began to cry and scratch at the walls, his screams continued to play as the camera zoomed on Action Man's smiling face.

The credits silently rolled over the Action Man logo. After they finished, childhood photos were displayed next to the developers' names. The detective thought nothing of this at first, and stood up, getting ready to go to bed; apart from the images and the morbid sense of the game, he saw nothing out of the ordinary. He glanced back towards the screen and stopped dead. On the screen photos were still scrolling, however, he recognised some of them. They weren't the developers of the game; they were children who had been murdered! He recognised some of the children who were the victims of the Moors Murders, and others that he didn't recoginize. Lastly, a picture of Action Man appeared with a beard, entitled Alex Mann. The picture zoomed on the photo and a white noise began to play from the speakers.

The detective didn't show up for work the next day, so the rest of the investigators decided to go to his house to check on his progress with the case. They forced the door open and found him dead on the sofa. He had clawed out his own eyes. The television was still turned on and a grinning picture of Action Man was displayed. There was text underneath reading:

"We hope you enjoyed playing Mission eXtreme, but you have now been captured!"

Banjo's Murder (Banjo-Tooie)

BANJO'S MURDER
==============

/*January 9^th , 2012*/

I suppose that before I start to tell you all my story, I should tell you that it is very hard for me to tell, it hurts me to even think about it, so forgive me if I start to get emotional.

I had just become a werewolf in Skyrim and was screwing around in Whiterun, the usual just running around on useless save files, killing people. I had recently bought Banjo Tooie off of Ebay for a few bucks. I couldn't wait for it to arrive. Well, today, it came.

I heard a thud coming from outside in front of my door, so I quickly turned off my Xbox 360 and ran upstairs. When I opened my front door, there was a package, I quickly ran inside and opened it, finding the cartridge for Banjo Tooie, with a note taped to it. I took off the note and a flash drive had fallen out of it.

All the note had on it was the word "Sorry.exe". I thought little of it and threw the note away and plugged in my Nintendo 64, and put in my favorite game, Banjo Tooie. It had been a very long time since I had played Banjo Tooie and I couldn't wait to play the game. There was already a file created, assuming it was a file of the previous owner, I left it alone and created a file on the second picture.

I had played the game for a few days and noticed a few bugs. Every once in a while, the screen would randomly flicker red and white very quickly and then return to normal. I figured it was just because the game cartridge was old and continued to play. After I had started the Glitter Gulch Mine world, I began to notice that there were fewer enemies than I had remembered, I put this off as me just not remembering correctly and continued to play. After beating Glitter Gulch Mine, I moved onto the world named Witchyworld. After roaming around Witchyworld (my favorite world) for a while, I got bored and began climbing the ladder that led up to the dive area. It’s the area where you jump from the top and into a pool at the bottom, any Banjo Tooie fan knows what I’m talking about, anyways, as I got to the top, I paused the game to go and get a Pepsi from upstairs. When I came back, the game was unpaused, and Banjo was just standing there, not moving, almost as if he was looking straight at me through the television screen.

At first, I thought that when I got up, I might have kicked the controller, causing it to unpause and turn Banjo around. So I picked up the controller and tried moving Banjo with the control stick, only for him to not move. I began rapidly tapping buttons to see if it was just my controller, nothing worked, Banjo didn’t jump nor did the camera zoom in or out. I thought that something was loose in the outlet where you plug the controller into the Nintendo 64, so I leaned over, put my right hand on the system, and my left hand on the cord, and was about to pull it out, when I heard the sound the Banjo makes when he talks. So I looked up to see the most disturbing dialogue ever. Right on the screen were the words

“Don’t pull that cord.”

I stood up, and ran on to my bed, and began to stare at the screen.

“What the hell?” I began to ask myself what was happening. Banjo suddenly began to move in ways I had never seen before.

It was almost life-like. He took his backpack off on his own and began rummaging through it. He eventually pulled out a picture of me!

Yes, it was me, myself! I put my hand up to my mouth in complete and utter shock, not knowing what would happen next, and was about to scream when more dialogue showed up by itself on the screen.

“This is what is going to happen to you if you dare pull out that cord.”

The camera then zoomed into the picture of my face and it started to become grotesque and mangled up. Blood started oozing from my eyes and mouth, and my jaw seemed to start becoming more and more dislocated. My flesh started peeling and falling off, revealing the muscles in my face.

Then, as the picture became more and more grisly, a screech emitted from the speakers. But it wasn’t a cartoonish, video game scream. This was the most realistic and disturbing scream I have ever heard in my life.

The camera suddenly zoomed out of the camera so reveal Banjo choking Kazooie, literally choking with one fist clamped around the bird’s neck. Banjo had a look of pure hatred in his eyes as he shook the bird back and forth, the screeching became more and more violent and painful to listen to until it became gagging, and slowly faded until it was silent, only the music of Witchyworld could be heard playing in the background. Banjo just grinned and through the lifeless bird of the edge, and snickered to himself.

At this point in time, I was already scared to death as it was, but seeing Banjo the bear violently strangle Kazooie to death, well that just made it 10 times worse. I sat there staring at Banjo laughing to himself with his evil smirk for a few more moments before his voice began to echo around my room. I could hear his gobbling sound he makes when he talks grow in volume.

I looked at the screen to see the words, “I will kill you, you are nothing, and you know nothing.”

I screamed and quickly jumped off of my bed and to the Nintendo 64, pulling the power switch, turning the system off. I couldn’t take any more of what was happening. I still haven’t turned on the console since the incident took place.

I’m afraid too, what will happen to me If I do? Well, I suppose that tomorrow is the day that I find out, that’s right, I’m going to conquer my fears and turn the game back on tomorrow, I will be recording what happens that night on this blog again, so you will know every single thing that happens.

/*January 10^th */

So I turned the game back on today, and I regret doing it. As soon as I turned the power on, the screen flashed red and black quickly. It did this for a few minutes until I could make out Banjo swinging on a swing.

I could hear a faint squeaking as Banjo moved back and forth on the swing. I could hear the music that plays in Witchyworld in the background, except it was distorted, making it painful to listen to. Banjo continued swinging but I noticed he began to slowly turn his head towards the screen.

After a minute or two of this, he stopped swinging, and just stared at me, with his cold eyes. I was about to hit the pause button when he got off the swing and started walking towards me. I rapidly began to push the pause button but it wouldn’t pause.

Banjo continued to walk towards me, slowly he made his way over. I literally started screaming as he got closer and closer to the screen. I could hear the laughter of Gruntilda the Witch in the background, slightly distorted, but growing in volume.

Banjo finally got so close to the camera that only his head could be seen. Then, everything stopped, the music, the laughter, everything. For a few moments, I could catch my breath, but then, all of the sudden, Banjo’s head was thrusted towards the right, popping bones out of his neck, and then the other way, the same thing happened.

I instantly vomited all over myself, my bed, and the floor. Blood was all over Banjo, then his head was thrusted forward and backward, bones popped out everywhere. Banjo’s eyes turned pitch black as he stood there.

He began to slowly float upward into the sky. He eventually stopped and I knew what was going to happen, he was going to be brutally beaten again. And I was right, at first, only his left leg was slowly lifted into the air, but then violently twisted, bones popped out of the back of his knee and his leg.

The same thing happened to the right leg, but Banjo had begun to scream this time. His arms were lifted into the air and pulled out of their sockets, flying in separate directions, blood went everywhere. The screen flashed red and then showed Banjo sitting in some sort of torture contraption.

A lever was pulled as the machine began to pull Banjo apart, the screaming became more intense. His body was ripped apart and his intestines spilled out onto the floor. The screen flashed red again and Banjo was sitting in Spiral Mountain, in front of his house, doing his usual idle animations, such as moving his head back and forth, etc.

/*January 11^th */

Yesterday, when Banjo was back in front of his house in Spiral Mountain, I saved the game and turned the system off, not wanting to see anymore gruesome things happen. Plus, I had to clean up the vomit that was all over me, the bed, and the floor.

I put the flash drive into my computer today, all that was on it was a text document named "Sorry.exe". I instantly recognized the name, thinking back to the note that came with the game. I opened the file and the following text appeared on my screen.

"a^ygriv84d**rzxdcvebbasde/asde. killthemkillthemkillthemkillthemkillthemkillthemkillthemkillthemkillthemkillthemkillthem hytsou ijcfdarionit jifougtds. Pppaceradket receiew4edtrved. agouhrerng iojgtho6asdfijey're ghjutichreutomfgdsriasdfhng. close-A102^vxhwy.exe run".

I quickly threw out both the game cartridge and the flash drive. I hope nothing like this ever happens to me again.

Pokemon Death Snap

POKEMON DEATH SNAP
===================

Ahh, the 90s. Life was so simple back then, for my generation. There was the Game Boy, the Nintendo 64, Animaniacs, Freakazoid....these things were all the highlights of my day, especially if I was doing them with a friend. I wasn't really into computers at the time; my family had dial-up and a shitty Windows 95, which made everything so frustrating. No, my farthest exploits into the digital world involved me and my Nintendo 64. Super Smash Bros., Super Mario 64, Starfox 64, Mario Kart 64, and Pokemon Snap were my favorites.

After I had thoroughly rooted out every secret in these games, the only one that kept my attention was Pokemon Snap. I constantly went through every level trying to get the best possible shot of all the Pokemon featured in that game. What intrigued me was the realism in that game. In all other Pokemon games, everything was synthetic. You couldn't walk amongst the Pokemon and see how they interacted; you could only have them in a ball or following you around. One could argue that Hey You, Pikachu! was more interactive, but in the whole, only certain words are recognized and the scripted non-realistic events gave that game a disgustingly synthetic feel. The first-person 3D view of Pokemon present in Pokemon Sap gave everyone who grew up in the 90s something they could only dream of: a chance to live in a realistic Pokemon world.

So, eventually, we moved to a new house and got a PS2, DSL, and a computer that could run Half-Life, and I moved on the bigger and better things, but would often look back fondly at the simplicity of my childhood. My N64 and all the games were put in a forgotten corner of the basement. This brings my story to more recent events. About a week ago, I was at my friend's house. He is one of those people who are well-equipped and has many things: Wi-Fi, several computers, iPods, a Mac, a drum set, a piano, a Widescreen HDTV, surround-sound, guitars, a PS3, and whatnot. He was one of the people I liked to whoop in Super Smash Bros. back in the day. Anyway, we were hanging out and he had something he wanted to show me. He powered up his Wii and one of the channels was Pokemon Snap, which he proceeded to load. He had recently downloaded it from the Virtual Console. As soon as I heard the fast theme song and camera flashes, I was overcome with an intense wave of nostalgia - something I rarely feel these days - and really wanted to play that game. My friend loaded it up and selected continue.

For everyone unfamiliar with Pokemon Snap, the premise is that Professor Oak needs someone to photograph all the Pokemon on some island with many different environments. As you get more pictures and higher scores, new tools and levels become available to you, such as the apple, which acts as bait, the pester ball, which irritates Pokemon, and the Pokeflute, which wakes sleeping Pokemon. The player controls Todd, a character from the anime, who is riding in a buggy on a set track. The buggy moves at a constant speed, and it is from this buggy that you must take pictures. There are 63 of the original 151 Pokemon in Pokemon Snap. The levels, or 'courses' as Oak calls them, range from a beach to a volcano to caves and rivers. The island is a very diverse place, but even with my extensive playing, the darkest parts had eluded me...until recently, that is.

So, Professor Oak said "welcome" in his very creeper-ish voice recording. I always found it funny how the game had about one word of pre-recorded voice per two or three sentences the text box showed. Reliving our childhoods, we took turns playing a level and seeing who could get the best score. Soon, I had to go home, but I really did not want to stop playing Pokemon Snap.

When I got home, I went down into my basement and dug out the old N64, along with a musty-smelling cardboard box full of all the old cartridges, controllers, memory cards, and rumble packs. God, I missed this system. I hooked the RF cables up to the TV in my room, popped in Pokemon Snap, and shifted the Pokeball into the on position. A little more back-story here: when I got my N64, the Hey, You Pikachu! model was massively on sale at Toys R Us, and my mom decided to get it, as it came with the game. When you turn it on with the Pokeball switch, the Pikachu's cheeks light up, also, his foot acts as the reset switch. It's pretty cool. Anyways, when I turned the console on, the screen remained static. I pulled out the cartridge and checked the chip. Sure enough, it was covered in this black gunk. I spent half an hour getting that nasty stuff off. It was at this point I first noticed something strange: after the substance was removed, the chip was red with black rectangles along the surface, which I assumed were meant to be contacts. None of my other games had this black stuff, and their chips were light brown with the gold-ish contacts.

There were other oddities with this particular cartridge. There was no Official Seal of Nintendo on the label or anywhere on the cartridge. These are on all N64 carts, and most other Nintendo products from this era. Another thing was that there was no black label on the back that usually contains the typical "DON'T PLAY YOU'LL GET SEIZURES," kind of thing. The front label was also slightly off-center. These should have been red flags, but I am a pretty lax guy that just takes things in stride so I didn't really care. At this point, I thought the game was ruined by the goo and discoloration, but  I put it back in for the hell of it. To my surprise, the Nintendo logo popped on the screen. We were back in business.

So, the load screen came up and the upbeat theme song and camera flashes were playing just as they did earlier at my friend's house. It was then I noticed several visual distortions, which I thought were due to cart damage. There were three purple vertical streaks a few inches wide that went all the way down the screen, one on each edge and one down the middle. They were darker in the middle of the streaks, but you could see past them somewhat. I didn't mind that much; it was minor inconvenience.

Next, I pressed start and to my surprise, I found that there was no continue option. I guess my saves had been deleted by battery failure. All of those hours and hours of hard work and completion were gone. Oh well, I probably would have started a new file anyway.

I started the new game and more strange things began to occur. I found myself in Oak's lab. His features were changed. His eyes were black with no pupils and he had a stern look on his face. That, coupled with the purple distortion that ran along his left half, made him very disturbing. All the text dialogue was normal, but the pre-recorded voice  bits I mentioned earlier were distorted. They came out slowly at low pitch. I was reminded of the demon voices from early shooters like Doom...but other than these things I attributed to cart damage, the game play was normal...or so I thought. All of this was starting to make me a bit uneasy, but I was a man of science. I didn't believe in ghosts or God or Hell, and prided myself in overcoming the irrational fears that many suffered from. Oh, to be young again.

I went to the first course, the beach. There were more visual distortions. All Pokemon had no pupils, just pure black eyes. Also, on the ground underneath where the Pokemon sprites were, there was a purple ring. It appeared even under the flying Pidgeys. The other distortion here was that the sky was a light green and there were no clouds or sun.

The movements of the Pokemon seemed unnatural and cold, like they were afraid of something. I played through the course, but as I took pictures, the Pokemon that were in the frame disappeared. Slightly concerned by this, I didn't take pictures of Pokemon that wouldn't count until later, such as Snorlax or Chansey. As I approached the exit gate, I turned around and saw one of the circles that indicated that a Pokemon was there following me, but there was no sprite. I snapped a picture and was taken back to the lab.

I selected all the pictures for the Pokemon Report, but, strangely, the last picture I took was not there. The rating process went as normal, but at the end, Oak said, "Nice work harvesting." There was a brief pause, and then he said, "......you let it in didn't you? Well, you know what this means....go to the tunnel."

I assumed that he was referring to the Tunnel Course, so I went to the map and it was now available. As I entered the course, I noticed that I now had all the tools: the apple, pester ball, and Pokeflute. I went through the course and found that it had the same visual distortion as the beach. At the end, I tossed an apple at the Electrode by the rocks and the path to the volcano opened up. The electrode looked like it was in extreme agony, not like the comical explosions seen before. It seemed to be begging for help.

As the traveling cutscene took place, I saw the purple ring with no sprite again. It followed me. Strangely, there was no cut back to the lab after discovering the course like it was supposed to. It just took me straight to the volcano level. A quick survey of the area showed that the visual distortions were getting worse. As I moved forward, the Ponytas and Rapidashes were running, then jumped into the lava and gave off low-pitched screams. All the Pokemon did this as I approached. I finally reached the egg, which blocked the path. You are supposed to throw an apple at it so you can proceed, but I found that my tools were gone. This was problematic, and I took this opportunity to get some dinner. I didn't pause the game because there was no need to. When I got back, I saw the purple ring again. It was in place, motionless, behind me. I also saw something else coming from the distance. It was an Electrode from the tunnel rolling down the path. This Electrode must have been the one I blew up, as it had a look of anger and revenge in its eyes. I could do nothing to get away, so I sat and watched. As soon as it hit me, it exploded, which caused my buggy to flip on its side and go top down into the lava. A travel-like cutscene played, but it was slow with distorted audio. The low-pitched screams of the flailing, burning Todd were heard.

I was back in the lab and Oak looked angry. He said, " You let it get to you, didn't you? Well, you only have yourself to blame." The screen faded to black and the course selection screen came up. Oak was standing alone, and the only option on the screen was "HELLL," which was spelled with three L's. The go back option was gone, so I had no choice but to click on it.

The camera zoomed in on the charred corpse of Todd that's bottom half was under the upside-down buggy. Everything was ultra-realistic, and this was on a pedestal of stone in an endless sea of fire and lava. All of the Pokemon I had taken pictures of and made disappear were floating in the lava, screaming in low-pitched voices. Suddenly, there was a camera flash. The screen swung to a demonic figure with a camera taking pictures of the corpse. After he had a few pictures, he curb-stomped Todd's head and took more pictures. Then, a low-pitched demonic, "Say cheeeeeese," came out of the speakers and my whole room lit up for a second. That scared the shit out of me, and when it was over the screen was dead black and the system was shut off.

I hit reset, because I knew it was just a game and it couldn't hurt me. That stuff was pretty sick, but I had seen worse on the internet. I wanted to see what happened next. As it came on the screen, the menu came up and the only option was to view the album. I hit A and immediately wished I hadn't. The album was filled with hundreds of photos, all of horrific torture and mutilation scenes. Many of these pictures involved children. These photos were not in 64-bit, but appeared to be authentic, scanned photos. At this point, I was overcome with nausea, but it got worse. The game force-scrolled to the end and zoomed to the final picture. It was the picture I had taken of the purple ring without a sprite....only now there was something above it. It was a picture of my dead body floating a foot off the ground. The sickest part was that there was a camera jammed through my head.

The screen faded to black. I was so terrified by the whole event that I broke the cartridge in two and ditched it in two different dumpsters behind restaurants on opposite ends of town. A few days later, I asked my mom if she had done something to my Pokemon Snap game. "Oh, yes..." she said. "When we moved here, I was carrying that box down to the basement and that game fell out and broke. When I went to pick it up, I found that it had fallen into a crack in the crawlspace. I couldn't find it. I'm sorry about not telling you, but I thought you had outgrown that anyway." A lock of shock must have come to my face, because my mom asked what was wrong. "Nothing," I said. "I'm fine." I decided not to tell her.

A week has passed and I am bringing my story to the internet in the hopes that it may help someone else, or at least entertain. I do apologize for the length, but I feel that the details are necessary. What scares me the most is not the photographs of the mutilation or my dead self. What scares me the most is whatever the hell is in my basement that can make a broken game into something so gruesome. Thank God I'm moving out soon.

Strange Super Mario 64 Cartridge

STRANGE SUPER MARIO 64 CARTRIDGE
(AKA "Haunted Mario 64")
================================

I always liked Super Mario 64 when I was a kid. I remember playing it at my aunt’s house all the time. Well, one day, a pop-up appeared out of nowhere as I was watching gameplay footage on Youtube. I was a little startled, and was about to close the window, until I realized that it was showing a mint condition copy of Super Mario 64 for sale. There was a picture and everything. I usually don’t trust these things, but the feeling of nostalgia overpowered me, and I wanted to buy it.

The whole business was peculiar, seeing as how the owner of the game wanted the buyer to send an envelope containing ten dollars to an address listed on the site, instead of using something like PayPal. What made things even more strange was that when I tried to gain access to the website (I wrote down the URL) after encountering…problems with the game, the page was nowhere to be found.

A few days after the ten dollars was mailed, I got a package containing the new copy of the game. The first thing I noticed when I opened the small box was that the ‘official sticker’ with Mario flying in the air was apparently peeled off or something. In its place was a piece of duct tape with ‘Mario’ crudely written on it in permanent marker. I felt a little ripped-off, but as long as the game worked I didn’t care.

I got out my Nintendo 64 and put the cartridge in. The screen turned on with the familiar Mario face that you could stretch and twist aimlessly. I remembered laughing all the time at the results as a kid and decided to mess around for old times’ sake. I moved the cursor over to Mario’s ear and pulled it to Elven proportions. I was going to do the same to the other ear, when the TV suddenly produced loud static. Mario’s whole head started deforming and twisting in ways I didn’t even know were possible for the model. Random sound effects from the game started playing along with the static. As all this was occurring, I could hear a faint voice whispering in Japanese. The voice was stammering and whimpering.

I immediately shut off the game and tried again. I didn’t bother with the Mario head this time. I just selected a new file and started playing.

When I selected the file, the game skipped the opening monologue with Peach and the courtyard outside. Mario was just placed right inside the castle. Creepier still, Bowser didn’t say anything either. I tried to ignore it and played it anyway. However, I also noticed there was no music. There was only dead silence. There weren’t even any Toads around to talk to. The only door I could enter was the one that led to Bob-omb Battlefield. The other doors wouldn’t respond to my button commands.

The portrait to Bob-omb Battlefield wasn’t the usual picture. It was a stark white canvas. I was still trying to convince myself that these were just minor glitches, and that they wouldn’t affect the gameplay at all. Once I entered the portrait, the image suddenly changed from a blank canvas to the Lethal Lava Land painting. You know, that slightly unsettling image of the flame with the evil smile? That’s when I started getting really suspicious.
The mission menu came up, and yet another weird detail was present. Instead of it being “Big Bob-omb on the Summit,” the mission was called “TURN BACK.” I have no idea what drove me to press A, but I did.

The level seemed fairly normal. Everything was how I remembered it. I thought I could finally enjoy my favorite childhood game, but then I saw him…Luigi. I was absolutely shocked. He was never in this game. His model wasn’t even a Mario palette swap. It looked like he had a completely original model. Luigi just stood there until I tried to approach him. He started running at unexpected speeds. I followed suite and went through the level. Strange things happened as I pursued him. Each time I would pick up a coin, the enemies and music would get slower and the scenery would look darker in color and more morbid. It kept gradually getting worse until I collected a fifth coin. That’s when the music just stopped. The enemies lay down on the ground like they were dead. I was seriously freaked out, but I kept chasing Luigi.

I went up the hill, and no cannonballs rolled down trying to knock me over. I really wasn’t surprised at this point. Luigi was always just out of my sight as I ran. Once I reached the summit, I saw yet another object out of place: a small cottage, and it was all that was seen on top of the hill. Luigi was nowhere to be found. The cottage was certainly odd looking for a Mario game. It was old, plain, and broken down. Regardless of my fears at that moment, I had Mario enter the cottage.

As soon as the door closed, a disturbing picture of a hanged Luigi immediately popped up along with a very frightening scare chord. It sounded like a violin screech accompanied by a loud piano banging. Mario fell to his knees and sobbed for roughly five minutes before the screen irised out.
I returned to the castle. Mario just slumped out of the painting. The image switched from the Lethal Lava Land portrait to the image of Luigi hanging himself. The room was different this time. It was now a small hallway. Toads with blank expressions and white robes lined the sides of the hallway. There was another painting at the opposite end that completely and utterly scared me. It was a picture of my family. It wasn’t a photo from the time Super Mario 64 was released; it was a very, very recent photo. I remember posing for it the weekend before. I reached for the on/off switch on the N64. There was no way I was going to play any longer, however, when I flipped the switch, the game was still on. I flipped it back and forth, to no avail. I tried unplugging the entire system, but the game never left the screen. I was still able to control Mario, too. I couldn’t just leave it on forever, so I kept playing. I went to the photo of my family and jumped in. Only one mission was available. It was called, “Run, Don’t Walk.” I selected the mission. Let’s-a-go!

The level started in a flooded hallway with platforms floating on the water. Mario landed on one of these, and the camera turned to show what was behind. A silent black void was slowly approaching Mario. It didn’t look like anything, not even like finished graphics. It was just a giant, blocky, black blob. I started jumping from platform to platform. With no goal in sight, I kept running; the darkness slowly but surely kept gaining speed. This kept going on for what felt like hours, and I began to doubt there would ever be an end. Mario was going in circles. Finally, the black blob/void/thing caught up with Mario and enveloped him in darkness. He didn’t scream or resist at all. It simply consumed him.

Mario fell out of the painting and back into the castle. I lost one of my three lives. The room was different now, too. Some of the Toads were gone, and the painting looked different. My family and I were in the same positions, but our bodies were partially decomposed. It looked too real to be photoshopped. It looked more like someone took our dead bodies and posed them.
Regardless, I jumped into the painting again. There was still only one mission available. It was called, “I’m right here.” I selected the mission and prepared for the worst. Mario landed in a small dark room. There was no visible way out. The room was empty except for a piano in the corner. I knew what that meant. I was stuck in there with the Mad Piano. I approached it and it started chasing me as always. There was no way to damage it, so I had no choice but to let Mario take damage.

When he lost all of his health, the usual death animation didn’t happen. Mario was simply mauled by the piano. He fell as his blood and guts spilled onto the floor, and the camera panned to a top-down view of his corpse. A distorted version of the merry-go-round music from Big Boo’s Haunt played as the screen slowly transitioned from the in-game shot to a photo-realistic sketch of Mario’s dead body in the same view. It was very unsettling. I was crying softly as I gazed upon the image. I lost another life.
The photo of my family was shown again. We were even more rotten than before. The view zoomed into the painting, as if I was warping again, but I was greeted with a shot of Peach’s Castle from the outside. It was crumbling in ruin. The fields were on fire. The sky was pitch black. Bowser’s laugh played on a loop in the background as children mockingly chanted, “You couldn’t save her!” This went on for a long time until a close-up of Peach’s face accompanied by an extremely loud screech interrupted the loop without notice. Peach’s mouth was wide open as if she were screaming and her eyes were empty, black holes.

Mario fell out of the painting again. All of the Toads were gone, and my family and I looked positively repulsive. Maggots were wriggling around in holes in our flesh. Guts were spilling out of our bodies. My dad’s eyeball was hanging loose from its socket. It was too much to bear, but something still urged me to trudge on. I jumped into the painting, only one life remaining.
This time, there was no name for the mission, only a blank space where the title would be. I selected the mission and Mario landed on a very small island in the middle of the ocean. There was a solitary sign that read, “DIVE.” I did just as it said and entered the water.

The ocean was dark and empty. There were no fish, and I wasn’t able to see anything besides Mario. I swam downwards, and even though I kept going for quite some time, Mario never ran out of breath. I counted roughly ten minutes of swimming before I decided to go back up. Just as I turned Mario around, it came. A huge Unagi the Eel came out of nowhere and swallowed Mario whole. It went by so fast I wasn’t even sure what I saw. The Game Over screen didn’t appear. All that happened was a fade-out.

The photo of my family and I was shown again. We were skeletons at that point. Once again, it looked very real. I couldn’t move the camera, either. It stayed focused on the picture. I shut it off and turned it on again. I chose my file, but it went back to the skeleton photo of my family. I tried this about three more times before giving up. I desperately wanted to stop, but some force kept me from walking away. With nothing else to do, I decided to select the only other saved file. The camera once again focused on the skeleton picture, but this time they were in a different position…almost as if they were a different family.